1 twilight暮色-第43部分

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every　second　you　spend　with　me；　that's　surely　not　much。　You　only　have　to　
turn　your　back　on　nature；　on　humanity…　what's　that　worth？〃　

〃Very　little　—　I　don't　feel　deprived　of　anything。〃　

〃Not　yet。〃　And　his　voice　was　abruptly　full　of　ancient　grief。　

I　tried　to　pull　back；　to　look　in　his　face；　but　his　hand　locked　my　wrists　
in　an　unbreakable　hold。　

〃What　—〃　I　started　to　ask；　when　his　body　became　alert。　I　froze；　but　he　
suddenly　released　my　hands；　and　disappeared。　I　narrowly　avoided　falling　
on　my　face。　

〃Lie　down！〃　he　hissed。　I　couldn't　tell　where　he　spoke　from　in　the　
darkness。　

I　rolled　under　my　quilt；　balling　up　on　my　side；　the　way　I　usually　slept。　
I　heard　the　door　crack　open；　as　Charlie　peeked　in　to　make　sure　I　was　
where　I　was　supposed　to　be。　I　breathed　evenly；　exaggerating　the　movement。　

A　long　minute　passed。　I　listened；　not　sure　if　I'd　heard　the　door　close。　
Then　Edward's　cool　arm　was　around　me；　under　the　covers；　his　lips　at　my　
ear。　

〃You　are　a　terrible　actress　—　I'd　say　that　career　path　is　out　for　you。〃　

〃Darn　it；〃　I　muttered。　My　heart　was　crashing　in　my　chest。　

He　hummed　a　melody　I　didn't　recognize；　it　sounded　like　a　lullaby。　

He　paused。　〃Should　I　sing　you　to　sleep？〃　

〃Right；〃　I　laughed。　〃Like　I　could　sleep　with　you　here！〃　

〃You　do　it　all　the　time；〃　he　reminded　me。　

〃But　I　didn't　know　you　were　here；〃　I　replied　icily。　

〃So　if　you　don't　want　to　sleep…〃　he　suggested；　ignoring　my　tone。　My　
breath　caught。　

〃If　I　don't　want　to　sleep…　？〃　

He　chuckled。　〃What　do　you　want　to　do　then？〃　

I　couldn't　answer　at　first。　

〃I'm　not　sure；〃　I　finally　said。　

〃Tell　me　when　you　decide。〃　

I　could　feel　his　cool　breath　on　my　neck；　feel　his　nose　sliding　along　my　
jaw；　inhaling。　

〃I　thought　you　were　desensitized。〃　

〃Just　because　I'm　resisting　the　wine　doesn't　mean　I　can't　appreciate　the　
bouquet；〃　he　whispered。　〃You　have　a　very　floral　smell；　like　lavender…　or　
freesia；〃　he　noted。　〃It's　mouthwatering。〃　

〃Yeah；　it's　an　off　day　when　I　don't　get　somebody　telling　me　how　edible　I　
smell。〃　

He　chuckled；　and　then　sighed。　

〃I've　decided　what　I　want　to　do；〃　I　told　him。　〃I　want　to　hear　more　about　
you。〃　

〃Ask　me　anything。〃　

I　sifted　through　my　questions　for　the　most　vital。　〃Why　do　you　do　it？〃　I　
said。　〃I　still　don't　understand　how　you　can　work　so　hard　to　resist　what　
you…　are。　Please　don't　misunderstand；　of　course　I'm　glad　that　you　do。　I　
just　don't　see　why　you　would　bother　in　the　first　place。〃　

He　hesitated　before　answering。　〃That's　a　good　question；　and　you　are　not　
the　first　one　to　ask　it。　The　others　—　the　majority　of　our　kind　who　are　
quite　content　with　our　lot　—　they；　too；　wonder　at　how　we　live。　But　you　
see；　just　because　we've　been…　dealt　a　certain　hand…　it　doesn't　mean　that　
we　can't　choose　to　rise　above　—　to　conquer　the　boundaries　of　a　destiny　
that　none　of　us　wanted。　To　try　to　retain　whatever　essential　humanity　we　
can。〃　

I　lay　unmoving；　locked　in　awed　silence。　

〃Did　you　fall　asleep？〃　he　whispered　after　a　few　minutes。　

〃No。〃　

〃Is　that　all　you　were　curious　about？〃　

I　rolled　my　eyes。　〃Not　quite。〃　

〃What　else　do　you　want　to　know？〃　

〃Why　can　you　read　minds　—　why　only　you？　And　Alice；　seeing　the　future…　why　
does　that　happen？〃　

I　felt　him　shrug　in　the　darkness。　〃We　don't　really　know。　Carlisle　has　a　
theory…　he　believes　that　we　all　bring　something　of　our　strongest　human　
traits　with　us　into　the　next　life；　where　they　are　intensified　—　like　our　
minds；　and　our　senses。　He　thinks　that　I　must　have　already　been　very　
sensitive　to　the　thoughts　of　those　around　me。　And　that　Alice　had　some　
precognition；　wherever　she　was。〃　

〃What　did　he　bring　into　the　next　life；　and　the　others？〃　

〃Carlisle　brought　his　passion。　Esme　brought　her　ability　to　love　
passionately。　Emmett　brought　his　strength；　Rosalie　her…　tenacity。　Or　you　
could　call　it　pigheadedness。〃　he　chuckled。　〃Jasper　is　very　interesting。　
He　was　quite　charismatic　in　his　first　life；　able　to　influence　those　
around　him　to　see　things　his　way。　Now　he　is　able　to　manipulate　the　
emotions　of　those　around　him　—　calm　down　a　room　of　angry　people；　for　
example；　or　excite　a　lethargic　crowd；　conversely。　It's　a　very　subtle　

gift。〃　

I　considered　the　impossibilities　he　described；　trying　to　take　it　in。　He　
waited　patiently　while　I　thought。　

〃So　where　did　it　all　start？　I　mean；　Carlisle　changed　you；　and　then　
someone　must　have　changed　him；　and　so　on…〃　

〃Well；　where　did　you　e　from？　Evolution？　Creation？　Couldn't　we　have　
evolved　in　the　same　way　as　other　species；　predator　and　prey？　Or；　if　you　
don't　believe　that　all　this　world　could　have　just　happened　on　its　own；　
which　is　hard　for　me　to　accept　myself；　is　it　so　hard　to　believe　that　the　
same　force　that　created　the　delicate　angelfish　with　the　shark；　the　baby　
seal　and　the　killer　whale；　could　create　both　our　kinds　together？〃　

〃Let　me　get　this　straight　—　I'm　the　baby　seal；　right？〃　

〃Right。〃　He　laughed；　and　something　touched　my　hair　—　his　lips？　

I　wanted　to　turn　toward　him；　to　see　if　it　was　really　his　lips　against　my　
hair。　But　I　had　to　be　good；　I　didn't　want　to　make　this　any　harder　for　him　
than　it　already　was。　

〃Are　you　ready　to　sleep？〃　he　asked；　interrupting　the　short　silence。　〃Or　
do　you　have　any　more　questions？〃　

〃Only　a　million　or　two。〃　

〃We　have　tomorrow；　and　the　next　day；　and　the　next…〃　he　reminded　me。　I　
smiled；　euphoric　at　the　thought。　

〃Are　you　sure　you　won't　vanish　in　the　morning？〃　I　wanted　this　to　be　
certain。　〃You　are　mythical；　after　all。〃　

〃I　won't　leave　you。〃　His　voice　had　the　seal　of　a　promise　in　it。　

〃One　more；　then；　tonight…〃　And　I　blushed。　The　darkness　was　no　help　—　I'm　
sure　he　could　feel　the　sudden　warmth　under　my　skin。　

〃What　is　it？〃　

〃No；　forget　it。　I　changed　my　mind。〃　

〃Bella；　you　can　ask　me　anything。〃　

I　didn't　answer；　and　he　groaned。　

〃I　keep　thinking　it　will　get　less　frustrating；　not　hearing　your　thoughts。　
But　it　just　gets　worse　and　worse。〃　

〃I'm　glad　you　can't　read　my　thoughts。　It's　bad　enough　that　you　eavesdrop　
on　my　sleeptalking。〃　

〃Please？〃　His　voice　was　so　persuasive；　so　impossible　to　resist。　

I　shook　my　head。　

〃If　you　don't　tell　me；　I'll　just　assume　it's　something　much　worse　than　it　
is；〃　he　threatened　darkly。　〃Please？〃　Again；　that　pleading　voice。　

〃Well；〃　I　began；　glad　that　he　couldn't　see　my　face。　

〃Yes？〃　

〃You　said　that　Rosalie　and　Emmett　will　get　married　soon…　Is　that…　
marriage…　the　same　as　it　is　for　humans？〃　

He　laughed　in　earnest　now；　understanding。　〃Is　that　what　you're　getting　
at？〃　

I　fidgeted；　unable　to　answer。　

〃Yes；　I　suppose　it　is　much　the　same；〃　he　said。　〃I　told　you；　most　of　those　
human　desires　are　there；　just　hidden　behind　more　powerful　desires。〃　

〃Oh；〃　was　all　I　could　say。　

〃Was　there　a　purpose　behind　your　curiosity？〃　

〃Well；　I　did　wonder…　about　you　and　me…　someday…〃　

He　was　instantly　serious；　I　could　tell　by　the　sudden　stillness　of　his　
body。　I　froze；　too；　reacting　automatically。　

〃I　don't　think　that…　that…　would　be　possible　for　us。〃　

〃Because　it　would　be　too　hard　for　you；　if　I　were　that…　close？〃　

〃That's　certainly　a　problem。　But　that's　not　what　I　was　thinking　of。　It's　
just　that　you　are　so　soft；　so　fragile。　I　have　to　mind　my　actions　every　
moment　that　we're　together　so　that　I　don't　hurt　you。　I　could　kill　you　
quite　easily；　Bella；　simply　by　accident。〃　His　voice　had　bee　just　a　
soft　murmur。　He　moved　his　icy　palm　to　rest　it　against　my　cheek。　〃If　I　was　
too　hasty…　if　for　one　second　I　wasn't　paying　enough　attention；　I　could　
reach　out；　meaning　to　touch　your　face；　and　crush　your　skull　by　mistake。　
You　don't　realize　how　incredibly　breakable　you　are。　I　can　never；　never　
afford　to　lose　any　kind　of　control　when　I'm　with　you。〃　

He　waited　for　me　to　respond；　growing　anxious　when　I　didn't。　〃Are　you　
scared？〃　he　asked。　

I　waited　for　a　minute　to　answer；　so　the　words　would　be　true。　〃No。　I'm　
fine。〃　

He　seemed　to　deliberate　for　a　moment。　〃I'm　curious　now；　though；〃　he　said；　
his　voice　light　again。　〃Have　you　ever…　？〃　He　trailed　off　suggestively。　

〃Of　course　not。〃　I　flushed。　〃I　told　you　I've　never　felt　like　this　about　
anyone　before；　not　even　close。〃　

〃I　know。　It's　just　that　I　know　other　people's　thoughts。　I　know　love　and　
lust　don't　always　keep　the　same　pany。〃　

〃They　do　for　me。　Now；　anyway；　that　they　exist　for　me　at　all；〃　I　sighed。　

〃That's　nice。　We　have　that　one　thing　in　mon；　at　least。〃　He　sounded　
satisfied。　

〃Your　human　instincts…〃　I　began。　He　waited。　〃Well；　do　you　find　me　
attractive；　in　that　way；　at　all？〃　

He　laughed　and　lightly　rumpled　my　nearly　dry　hair。　

〃I　may　not　be　a　human；　but　I　am　a　man；〃　he　assured　me。　

I　yawned　involuntarily。　

〃I've　answered　your　questions；　now　you　should　sleep；〃　he　insisted。　

〃I'm　not　sure　if　I　can。〃　

〃Do　you　want　me　to　leave？〃　

〃No！〃　I　said　too　loudly。　

He　laughed；　and　then　began　to　hum　that　same；　unfamiliar　lullaby；　the　
voice　of　an　archangel；　soft　in　my　ear。　

More　tired　than　I　realized；　exhausted　from　the　long　day　of　mental　and　
emotional　stress　like　I'd　never　felt　before；　I　drifted　to　sleep　in　his　
cold　arms。　

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15。　THE　CULLENS　




The　muted　light　of　yet　another　cloudy　day　eventually　woke　me。　I　lay　with　
my　arm　across　my　eyes；　groggy　and　dazed。　Something；　a　dream　trying　to　be　
remembered；　struggled　to　break　into　my　consciousness。　I　moaned　and　rolled　
on　my　side；　hoping　more　sleep　would　e。　And　then　the　previous　day　
flooded　back　into　my　awareness。　

〃Oh！〃　I　sat　up　so　fast　it　made　my　head　spin。　

〃Your　hair　looks　like　a　haystack…　but　I　like　it。〃　His　unruffled　voice　
came　from　the　rocking　chair　in　the　corner。　

〃Edward！　You　stayed！〃　I　rejoiced；　and　thoughtlessly　threw　myself　across　
the　room　and　into　his　lap。　In　the　instant　that　my　thoughts　caught　up　with　
my　actions；　I　froze；　shocked　by　my　own　uncontrolled　enthusiasm。　I　stared　
up　at　him；　afraid　that　I　had　crossed　the　wrong　line。　

But　he　laughed。　

〃Of　course；〃　he　answered；　startled；　but　seeming　pleased　by　my　reaction。　
His　hands　rubbed　my　back。　

I　laid　my　head　cautiously　against　his　shoulder；　breathin